Today, I found the time to get done what I haven't had the time lately to do: a French manicure-pedicure at my favorite nail salon. I had the afternoon all to myself, so I thought to go in (while keeping my fingers crossed that the salon wouldn't be too busy) and have an afternoon of indulgent pampering. My feet were soaked in warm blue water that made my tootsies feel really good, and my hands were filed, nipped and taken care of. I do vaguely remember falling asleep in the chair as my feet were being massaged, while old standards were playing on the speakers.
I wanted to have this afternoon to myself because I know very soon, opportunities like this won't come easily or often. The spur-of-the moment things that I could do before (like leave the house at the last minute to go where I wanted to... visit a friend, have lunch, shop, or just plain hang out) will now have to be planned at least a day in advance. The daily lunches with my husband will have to take place at home now and not at one of our favorite restaurants because I won't be able to leave the baby for an hour. Or so I think. I know of one mommy that refused a wedding invitation in Mexico because she can't leave the baby for even a few days. Her husband will have to attend the affair solo.
Motherhood is going to change my life, all for the better. Right now, I still feel like myself, only with a bump that makes me look like I swallowed a basketball. Nothing feels different (save for the physical changes where EVERYTHING just isn't the same), nothing feels special. Not yet. I know though that once I lay my eyes on my baby, everything that I know myself to be will have to be examined and rethought. How I plan for my and my family's life to be might have to be looked at again and again, constantly being amended to fit how we are at that moment. Long-term goals may have to be restructured to fit our particular situation.
I need to talk to my parent-friends about how their lives changed. All they tell me is that it changes, but they don't tell me how.
Perhaps I'll have to go through it all myself to find out, and it's a mystery that will unfold over the duration of my life. I just hope I don't screw things up... or worse, her.