Sunday, July 23, 2006

Don't Be Hatin'

Today is my father's 77th birthday.  Happy Birthday, Dad! 



For more than 10 years I harbored a grudge unlike any other for my
father... as a child growing up, I always kinda knew that he had a way
with the ladies (producing 9 offspring isn't the work of the most
virtuous and upright of men), and one fine day I came face to face with
one of them in the bedroom that he and my mother used to share when
they were still together, in the house I grew up in.  My mother had
confronted her first, guns blazing, fire-and-brimstone angry.  My
approach was far less confrontational.  I knocked on the door (it was
locked), and she opened it.  I looked at her (she was actually quite
pretty), and all I said was, "I don't approve of this."  Oh yeah, like
they actually needed my approval for anything.  I then headed
downstairs and left.  Later that afternoon I spoke with my father,
expressing my distaste for what I had seen.  His reply was that he
wouldn't let his indiscretions ruin his relationships with his
children, and basically to mind my own business as far as that was
concerned.  I then told him to mind his own, and leave me alone.  So
for over 10 years, we left each other alone.



There are others with whom I've had long-standing disagreements...
people with whom I'm just instantly uncomfortable with for whatever
reason, be it from a fight, a grudge or the fact that we just mix like
oil and water.  And now, I'm tired of this feeling... the weird,
uneasy, far from happy, icky, yucky, bogged down feeling.



I'm tired of hating.  Sa totoo lang, nakakapagod.



A 10 year old grudge here... a 3 year old grudge there... here a grudge, there a grudge, everywhere a grudge grudge...



There is a time and a place to find resolution and closure with all the
things that have gone awry in one's life.  There's a time to ask for
forgiveness, and a time to forgive.  A time to let go, to release all
the anger in the heart.  A time to just say, "Fuck it, I'm done with
this," and move on.



So, Happy Birthday, Dad.  Enjoy the start of your 78th year on this good earth.  And yeah... I do love you very much.

22 comments:

Leila Bondoc said...

Hello Ms. Lea,
I would say this is one of the simplest but most enlightening blog entry I have read today. I'm a fan and I admire the way you've lived your life. 'cant wait to read more about your experiences as a mom. :-)

Jheck David said...

Hi there, Ms. Lea! I chanced upon your blog through KC's. I'm glad that I did because you are one of the people I admired the most. Finally, I get to have a peek in your life. Hindi naman sa nakikiusyoso, ah! Hehehe...

Anyway, KC just posted something about his dad. Then I read yours. What I can say, though, is that no matter how much we feel anger we have for them, we still love them! I just read (or heard) somewhere that "it is when we stop hating that love ends".

"A 10 year old grudge here... a 3 year old grudge there... here a grudge, there a grudge, everywhere a grudge grudge"

^
That's funny! Sobra na sana seryoso tapos ganyan? Hehehe...

Take care, Ms. Lea! One of my dreams is to see you perform live (apart from Madonna)! 'Yung tipong malapitan talaga, ha! Pa-picture na rin! Hehehe. 'Yung isang dream, natupad na! See my picture? Hehehe... :-)

rome ding said...

Lea, I can't help but post a reply. I felt the same way about my Dad, and although I had forgiven and moved on, memories of the betrayal are difficult to forget.

This is a beautiful entry. And you're absolutely right. This life's too short to waste time on hatin'. All my love to your beautiful family.

BTW, you may know me as Jujichiro in a prior life. If you still remember.

bernadette llaga said...

Wow. I have to say, you are so strong to be able to say it out loud in the world, that a MS. Lea Salonga is actually like me, and him and her... someone who gets upset. Thanks for sharing. You do not know me but you have been a part of my life growing up...

XXXX YYYY said...

Hi leah, di ko mapigilan ang sarili ko na di mag post,habang binabasa ko ang ang blog entry na sinulat mo, napaiyak ako., naalala ko ang father ko , he died but I never got a chance to say sorry., I'm happy for you na hindi pa late ng ibigay mo ang forgiveness sa father mo.

God bless you and your family.

sarah isaac dela torre-cruz said...

i share the same sentiments...but good for u that u still have to time to take this chance....my dad passed away 7 yrs ago...we weren't able to bridge the gap...haven't seen him since i was 5, never knew how it feels to be hugged by him....i envy my half sister..she grew up with him.

augustine73 . said...

hi! i dont only admire you as a performer... now i admire you more as a person.

MiCheLLe . said...

Hi Lea, I've been reading your blogs and I must say, I admire your courage to open up yourself this way - thanks for sharing this with us. I read your story about your dad - that's sad. But then there's a lot of sad stories all around...I suppose having a personal connection makes the impact worse. Anyway, on a lighter note, your baby is really gorgeous, she puts a smile on my face everytime I look at her cute pics! xox

Li'l Dove Feather said...

That was a very honest post. Thank you for sharing your story. It's true, grudges don't bring anything good. It's so much easier, though, to bear a grudge rather than say sorry...Why is it so much easier to seethe in anger...?

XXXX YYYY said...

life is too short not to be happy!..right?!

ramon se said...

hi!
this blog entry, i could relate too as well... thanks for sharing.

grace querickiol said...

despite of what you've been through in your childhood..u are truly blessed..i admired your strength, courage and perseverance....

Theresa ___________ said...

hi lea, thanks for sharing this very private matter...but it made me admire you more...for being honest and true to everyone. just like the way you project yourself on screen -a real star from within :) i never thought you also had undergone a situation similar to other families like mine. i had always admire how you are a perfect example to the young people - with your talents, discipline, hard work and patriotism. But this one truly makes you an inspiration to others to stop hating and instead replace it with love and compassion for those who have hurt us.

you are lucky because you are able to patch things up with your father before its too late. one advice though, savor the moment and allow him to have time to show his love for you and your daughter as well. You are still blessed because your father is still alive. Though I was able to forgive my dad's past adulterous affairs before he died of brain cancer in 2002, what I regret now is my dad won't be able to see my future children. ...well, i hope i was able to encourage you :) - Marites

jennifer illustre said...

it's my dad's death anniversary today. he left us (my mom and i) when i was 9. now i'm 3 times older than that and wiser too. having half-siblings (in a twisted way) made me feel proud of my dad (chickboy!) when i turned 25... i spent 18 years fearing adulthood and love. all my siblings are "taken", and some may already have their own kids now and couldn't show themselves to me for fear of embarassment since i have proven to be the most determined workhorse despite being branded a "spoiled brat" because i'm the only result of my mom and dad's union...used to blame my dad until i realized it wasn't all his fault. it was also my mom's...

it really takes two to tango. sometimes too much religion kills your soul. too much of the "katipunera" spirit destroys the real essence of partnership, of love.

when she sees me, she sees her broken dreams for herself. motherhood was never her thing. but i still thank her for everything. at least she didn't do anything morally unforgivable to me.
i read your blog about negative emotions (grudge)...can't let go of mine yet. but maybe only motherhood would solve all my hang-ups.

kudos to you for taking the initiative to a resolution to all these "misgivings" of the world to children like us. it takes a lot of patience, discipline and love.

you really are a "bigsis"...thank you for your words of wisdom.

AMG Call Center said...

You’re so brave in bringing this out into the open. I admire you more for this. All these years, I was wondering what happened to you and your dad. I noticed it in your credits and acknowledgements of your tapes/cds,your dad used to be a part of it then eventually was never heard of again. None was written about him ever again until now. I just said to myself that I’m sure Lea have a good reason of keeping it from the public.

As a role model whom a lot of people look up to, you have shared to us the essence of forgiveness based on your own very personal experience. We really appreciate you sharing this with us.

Haze ♥ said...

Hi Lea,

I know how it feels. My daughter experienced the same thing but not exactly the same thing that happened to you and your Dad. I raised her on my own and I had my family's support. My first husband was a womanizer and I was in an abusive relationship. Well, it's all in the past.

Now, I have a new partner and we have a son and I have never felt so loved. BUT his family hates me. We have an almost 3 year old grudge (and counting). I know how it feels, I can even taste it. Well, life is about making choices. I want to be free from this feeling but I cannot do it alone. I know that they will never accept me. I will just pray for them.

--End of sharing--

Choie Funk said...

Hi Lea. It's not easy between me and my dad too. Sometime ago, I posted a song that pretty much describes the rift between him and me. The past years have been a continuous effort to reach out. It's hard 'cause my father has a suspected bi-polar disorder. But enough of that, I actually wanted to let you hear the song, so if you can find the time in your busy sked, check out http://cyfunk.multiply.com/music/item/102. It's entitled "The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics.

chepie cuevas said...

Sorry seems to be the hardest word....but it doesn't seem to you now. I admire you and your strength. More power! :)

Jerome Fugoso said...

Ouch!!!! Sakit!!! Tinamaan ako.... Naiyak ako sa sa sinabi mo... korek ka dyan! kakapagod... :(

:) god bless

Gina Balagon said...

well done lea....

diane frances said...

very inspiring one!!!

Jojo Terencio said...

hi lea! saw and met your father in our subic event over the weekend. he is still robust!

some of my companions (the younger ones) couldn't help but approach him and said "sir, we are fans of your daughter! she's amazing!" accdg to the girls, he seemed amused, smiled and proudly said: "world class just like subic!" and they had a good laugh...

aliw naman :)