Today is my father's 77th birthday. Happy Birthday, Dad!
For more than 10 years I harbored a grudge unlike any other for my
father... as a child growing up, I always kinda knew that he had a way
with the ladies (producing 9 offspring isn't the work of the most
virtuous and upright of men), and one fine day I came face to face with
one of them in the bedroom that he and my mother used to share when
they were still together, in the house I grew up in. My mother had
confronted her first, guns blazing, fire-and-brimstone angry. My
approach was far less confrontational. I knocked on the door (it was
locked), and she opened it. I looked at her (she was actually quite
pretty), and all I said was, "I don't approve of this." Oh yeah, like
they actually needed my approval for anything. I then headed
downstairs and left. Later that afternoon I spoke with my father,
expressing my distaste for what I had seen. His reply was that he
wouldn't let his indiscretions ruin his relationships with his
children, and basically to mind my own business as far as that was
concerned. I then told him to mind his own, and leave me alone. So
for over 10 years, we left each other alone.
There are others with whom I've had long-standing disagreements...
people with whom I'm just instantly uncomfortable with for whatever
reason, be it from a fight, a grudge or the fact that we just mix like
oil and water. And now, I'm tired of this feeling... the weird,
uneasy, far from happy, icky, yucky, bogged down feeling.
I'm tired of hating. Sa totoo lang, nakakapagod.
A 10 year old grudge here... a 3 year old grudge there... here a grudge, there a grudge, everywhere a grudge grudge...
There is a time and a place to find resolution and closure with all the
things that have gone awry in one's life. There's a time to ask for
forgiveness, and a time to forgive. A time to let go, to release all
the anger in the heart. A time to just say, "Fuck it, I'm done with
this," and move on.
So, Happy Birthday, Dad. Enjoy the start of your 78th year on this good earth. And yeah... I do love you very much.