Friday, October 19, 2007

Getting burned

As much as I love my job, there are things about the industry that make me want to quit.  Over the last many months, the things I'd hear or see or experience through the eyes of people I care about infuriate me to the point of tears.  It makes me question human nature and reel in shock over what the powers-that-be are capable of. 

To paraphrase a Filipino adage, the fly atop a carabao's head thinks he's bigger than the carabao on which he rides.

I thought that after 30 years, things like that wouldn't shock me, that I'd be able to just shrug my shoulders and say, "That's showbiz!  Get used to it!"  However, there are still things that get to me.  Especially when they happen to people that don't deserve it.

Eh, I shouldn't be surprised.  I've seen understudies stripped of their duty... principals fired after 2 months of performing their parts... understudies' performances taken from them after they were promised a particular show... an offer made, then taken back 24 hours later... leaves of absence granted to some cast members and not to others... an actor told that because of his particular look, type or stature, he won't go on often for the part he covers.

I've heard racist comments from company managers... backbiting among company members...

I've felt that gnawing feeling on the back of my neck when I hear that someone from my own team demoralizes me to others in the same show.

Bullshit.  All of it.  Bull-f***ing-shit.

And in spite of all of those things I've seen, felt and heard, I'm still around, 30 years and going.  Because I love the work I do and many of the people I've met and worked with, I keep on.

Chances are, I'll see more bullshit as I go on... and chances are, they won't stop me from doing what I love most.

34 comments:

Dante Nico Garcia said...

Sorry, can't help but comment on this... ang cute kasi to read a blog na ganito ka-human from an artist as big as you...

Just thank God that amidst all the chaos... He gave you the past 30 years to inspire and touch a lot of lives...
Thrity years or more down the road... God and all this people will be there to give you a standing ovation when you make your final bow.

carla guevara laforteza said...

well said manang! Hear! Hear!

Rika Mimula said...

I am looking for your concerts in Hong Kong. Which day should I go?

bing ♥ said...

Just remembered Forrest Gump while reading this ---"Shit happens"...We're here for another 30 yrs or more...just for you!

Michelle S said...

Thanks for giving us your showbiz perspectives. Can't these actors file grievances since they are unionized? The brutality in your business is so sad and infuriating! Just ignore those demoralizing comments, they are just venting their own insecurities. Keep up your great work, we all love you! When are you performing again in Hawaii?

Jay Marquez said...

well said... grabe, yup, that's showbiz. It's the same anywhere you go.

james belleza said...

you took me to a place i am very familiar with...
whew!

Johann dela Fuente said...

very inspiring Lea.

"an actor told that because of his particular look, type or stature, he won't go on often for the part he covers".

I had an instance with a director who didnt want to cast me in the play because of my HAIR. How bullshit is that? What about dedication? talent? being professional? but oh well... i guess thats life.

I still thank the Lord that he's giving me the chance to grow in this field, I may not be the best but at least im happy with what I do, which is to perform not only to entertain, but to glorify HIM.

Soleil NYC said...

I'm so sorry that you had to experience that...I always grieve for the loss of what could have been: a lovely experience, a new and lasting friendship. Why can't we all just get along?

Hurtful as this person may have been, you seem to have surrounded yourself with good people--true friends-- who will tell you what's what and buck you up when you are feeling down. A betrayal is a betrayal only when it comes from someone who...well, who f*ing matters! ;)

raul montesa said...

nice one manang... hear, hear!!! ingat!!!

Isay Alvarez-Seña said...

mabuhay ka manang lea!!!! laban kung laban!!

Chino Hernandez said...

Lea, just keep on going. You're given all these talents because you inspire and change lives. WE LOVE YOU LEA!

Gerry Nepomuceno said...

Hay naku, anywhere you go, Philippines or the U.S., even sa corporate world, may crab mentality pa rin. It's very interesting to hear that the drama sometimes continues off stage din pala. Just hope that all this BS does not ruin your final week.

Bob Guerrero said...

Sad to hear this. Hope you can carry on and keep on trying your best not to be cynical. :-)

arlin dizon said...

fighting! just remember that whatever those f---ing bullshits say you are still and will always be Pinoy's pride.

Carl * said...

There are times that no matter how strong & positive we are, still there are people who will try to break us into pieces.

Lea Im just a fan of yours but you have been my inspiration not only as an actor/singer but also as proud Filipino.

Just leave it to their karma. "As we sow, we will shall reap"

God Bless you Lea & your family!

aj mj said...

keep on fighting. we love what you do and your TALENT..just keep on going...

moy ortiz said...

thanks for sharing your sentiments with us Lea. It is quite disheartening to read about this. It was so naive of me to think that such blatant treachery didn't happen on Broadway.. . . quite sad...this is really an eye opener for me.

Dina CruzCadiz said...

I think those things are simply signs of insecurity. It clearly shows that you make a big difference when it comes to artistic integrity and your level of performance. We Filipinos are so proud of you - keep bringing pride and joy to our country - MABUHAY KA!!!

Keith Madridejos said...

this blog shows that Lea is no different to us who suffer racism and discrimination. A talented like her is not safe to backbiting from people who think she can trust.

ima castro said...

Miss Lea...I hear you...it's sad that more people seem to get happiness from putting other people down. But I know that nothing and no one can and will destroy someone as strong, talented and genuine like you and that's just a few of the reasons why I admire you...I hope you had a fab last day in Les Miz. xx

Erleen Fernandez said...

FYI: After all you've written, just to let you know....your talent of singing is truly a magic for me...everytime I drive to work and back home after an all night shift, you know who I listen to? Your CD's.....just listening to it helps me unwind and relax...I don't know how showbiz life works, yet somehow I could sense your frustrations. Please son't stop singing ever! Some people may say things that may make you feel annoyed or angry...it's okay, a lot of your fans love you no matter what...I am one of them....I am forever grateful to you... some of your songs that you recorded, esp your latest CD, 'Inspired', helped me somehow to keep living life, and appreciate things that I have...and be truly inspired. Keep smiling...Bless your heart...I may not know you personally, yet basing on your blogs entries here, you are a truly amazing person...I love your guts pouring out your thoughts and feelings here @ your site! You are real..that's what I love and admire in you...

Lendsi Conos said...

indeed, it's one thing to be burnt... another to let it singe you to ashes...

MaihJongs . said...

Hi Lea,

Now that Les Miz is over, any shows coming up in Broadway? Hoping you'll stay for another year or more!

I guess your plate is full with commitments at this point but we love to see around with shows in NY.

Good Luck and warm regards.

MaihJongs . said...

Hi Lea,

No new latest pics of Nicole to share with your fans?

Thanks.

Rudy and Maih

Jojo Terencio said...

I've always admired you for your optimism, lea :) it's infectious! hehe

now, i imagine you crooning "the sun will come out tomorrow...lalala"

venus dela cruz said...

I've never thought you're this real ms.lea!:) i just so adore you!!:>god bless
myidolforlife!:)

"When I'm stuck with a day that's gray and lonely...I just stick out my chin and grin and say..tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you tomorrow! You're only a Day away!:)

Hill Top said...

Andrew Lloyd Webber bought Patti Lupone out so he could instead have Glenn Close open Sunset Boulevard on Broadway. If the powers-that-be could do such a thing to an iconic Tony Award winner, they sure could do the same thing to any other actor.

elizar mahipus said...

well, its really very depressing...but then again, bullshit to them, go to hell detractors...

Leah just remember this....YOUR THE BEST... LONG LIVE LEAH...

am from DAVAO... and i have watched your concert here

Neil _ said...

hi lea....i am one of your big fans out there and been admiring you for your talent since you first did Miss Saigon...and I hear you for your sentiments and I emphatize. It's just sad that some people find happiness in talking bullshit about another. And I'm sure it does happen often, everywhere and to everyone. And it did happen to me lately at work. Despite of that, being positive and focused on what you do is what will drive you going further and stronger...Keep going Lea!

MaihJongs . said...

People are just jealous Manang, keep going and do continue excellent job!!!

MaihJongs . said...

Be firm and stand still as jealous people are just trying to put you down but they just can't.....

analin bantug said...

Hay naku, life ain't fair.. and people like that - they're all over! Try to not let it get to you coz it's not worth your time and energy, manang! I know easier said than done, but it all starts in the mind right? =) Inggit lang sila! I guess instead of getting furious about it, just feel sorry for them coz they have nothing else better to do.. and when negativity with a person arises, it's normally because they're not happy with themselves or there's something fairly wrong going on in their lives. It's no excuse, but be the bigger person and just pray for them! You are a favored child of God.. and though the foe may fall on your right and on your left, they CANNOT harm you!!! Yes, life ain't fair... but God's FAVOR ain't fair either!!! So, you have the upper hand! Lab you!!! x x x

Li'l Dove Feather said...

"It's his music that makes him alive."

I was told this by the manager of a certain artist (pianist/music director/composer of note) we're inviting to be in our cover just this morning. Those words you said reminded me of her words. He had cancer and his type of cancer has no definite treatment yet and is rare. Four out of a million get afflicted and 50% of them may survive. He was in that 50%. Well, that's last I heard, I just don't know now if the cancer's back. Anyway, the manager wants the interview and photoshoot done almost right before his concert, not any other day, because, she said, that's when he's more lively. She is thinking of the aesthetics, to make sure he doesn't look sick, my thoughts were on what she said.

So if it's your love for the art that keeps you going, I guess that what drives him, too.