As much as I love my job, there are things about the industry that make me want to quit. Over the last many months, the things I'd hear or see or experience through the eyes of people I care about infuriate me to the point of tears. It makes me question human nature and reel in shock over what the powers-that-be are capable of.
To paraphrase a Filipino adage, the fly atop a carabao's head thinks he's bigger than the carabao on which he rides.
I thought that after 30 years, things like that wouldn't shock me, that I'd be able to just shrug my shoulders and say, "That's showbiz! Get used to it!" However, there are still things that get to me. Especially when they happen to people that don't deserve it.
Eh, I shouldn't be surprised. I've seen understudies stripped of their duty... principals fired after 2 months of performing their parts... understudies' performances taken from them after they were promised a particular show... an offer made, then taken back 24 hours later... leaves of absence granted to some cast members and not to others... an actor told that because of his particular look, type or stature, he won't go on often for the part he covers.
I've heard racist comments from company managers... backbiting among company members...
I've felt that gnawing feeling on the back of my neck when I hear that someone from my own team demoralizes me to others in the same show.
Bullshit. All of it. Bull-f***ing-shit.
And in spite of all of those things I've seen, felt and heard, I'm still around, 30 years and going. Because I love the work I do and many of the people I've met and worked with, I keep on.
Chances are, I'll see more bullshit as I go on... and chances are, they won't stop me from doing what I love most.