May 31, 2006 - Sinking deeper into mommyhood...

With each passing day, I'm more and more Mommy.  Spit-up on my pajamas, the scent of rubbing alcohol on my hands, the distinct pleasure in giving my baby a bath (and laughing as she tries to balance herself with my assistance in the bathtub)... concern for her newborn acne (which is supposed to clear up on its own)... asking myself why she cries for milk every hour now instead of every 3 or 4... how the lack of sleep doesn't seem to enervate me...

It's strange, but these are things that I would not be willing to put myself through except for my own child.  I guess it's nature's way of hardwiring, making sure that my child survives, making sure there's someone to care for her in the cruel world. 

Then again, I just take one look at her gorgeous face.  That's enough of a reason for me to keep on keepin' on.

May 30, 2006 - Alone Time

Almost 1:30 in the morning... husband and daughter are fast asleep... this is my time to be alone.

For as long as I can remember, I LOVED the late nights/early mornings I would spend by myself.  Be it with my nose in a good book, yarn wrapped around my fingers, or tapping away at my computer.  This was the quiet time that I would spend without having to converse... or interact... or think about anyone else but me.  I know it sounds selfish, but this is what keeps me from going insane.  My career requires me to be constantly surrounded by people, so I fight for time without anyone around.

I know that I should rest (I received this admonition from a friend not too long ago), now that there's a baby in the picture.  Having said that however, even a few minutes of "me time" is healthy.  The first few days with the baby, we were constantly surrounded by nurses, visitors, more nurses, my mother (who drove me to tears and near insanity during our hospital stay), doctors, etc.  Once we got home, it was Rob and me, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  The littlest thing would irritate me (he left expressed breast milk out of the fridge... twice... and those few ounces were difficult to get), to the point that he'd get the silent treatment and a dirty look.  Or I'd hide in the bathroom and clean just to avoid getting really angry.  And you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Alone time... when the only voice you hear is your own... is absolutely necessary.  It's that time that readies me for when I have to be with people again.

May 26, 2006 - More on Breastfeeding

It's been one week and three days since Nicole was born... one week and three days since I attempted breastfeeding... nearly one week after my emotional breakdown at 3 AM from the pain of a recovering episiotomy, painful nipples, and the frustration at not being able to get the breastfeeding right.  Talk about pain that curls your toes... sore nipples... pain that just wouldn't go away.  I came so close to feeding my baby formula full time, but after much encouragement and research, I kept at it, and so far we're doing beautifully.

The La Leche League website was one that I visited to find some advice on breastfeeding, as well as Googled many others.  I also emailed girlfriends for how they were able to do it, and I received plenty of practical hints.  Here therefore is an amalgamation of what I've gathered from them.

1.  RELAX.  You don't want to be anxious or tense beforehand.  Close your eyes, take deep breaths, put your feet up... if you need to, transport yourself to a more zen place.  Nursing or pumping will be much, much easier.  Keep all distractions at bay (turn off the TV, play some relaxing music), as it may affect your milk flow.

2.  BE PATIENT.  Latching on or learning how to pump doesn't come easily, as natural as it's supposed to be.  The techniques take much patience (I learned this the hard way).  It's very easy to go head first into frustration and disappointment, but I was told to hang on.  So I did.  Now it's almost funny whenever Nicole latches on (she has as much to learn as I do, and she's a quick learner).  It gets easier with each time.  And she nurses 8-12 times a day (and I pump a few times in between nursings).

3.  OPEN WIDE.  I mean the baby!  If she sucks on only the nipple, you're in for monumental, toe-curling, non-stop cursing at the world pain.  Not discomfort... PAIN!!!  She has to open her mouth wide, allowing much of the aureole to be suckled on.  Her chin should be pressed against the breast, the lower lip not pursed, but out.  It's not supposed to hurt.

4.  DRINK LOTS OF FLUIDS.  Have a big glass of water on standby to sip on as you're nursing.  You need fluids to make fluids.  One friend advised me to drink something warm every time I nurse to make the milk flow freely.  Another recommended a half bottle a day of Cerveza Negra.  A universal recommendation: malunggay pills.  I swear by them, as well as malunggay leaves in tinola or munggo.

5.  TUMMY TO TUMMY!  Learn how to properly position the baby in relation to your body... let's say she'll nurse on your right breast.  Her left arm should embrace you, under your right arm.  Support her body with your left hand and arm, and present the breast with your right.  Bring the baby to the breast, not the breast to the baby.  Right now, it's hilarious over here trying to get the timing right.  Nicole is one squirmy little mogwai, her arms flailing everywhere.  But she does know how to latch on now, her mouth open wide, ready to receive.  And boy, she is a vacuum.

6.  LANOLIN.  This has been my boobie-saver.  After each nursing or pumping, wash your hands well.  Hand express a little breast milk and rub all over the nipple and aureole.  Allow to air dry.  Afterwards, apply a little lanolin ointment.  It keeps me soft and protects me from cracking and soreness.

7.  HOLD THE SOAP!  When cleaning the breasts, soap isn't necessary, as well as lotions and creams.  Soap can dry the skin, and you wanna keep those aureoles moisturized.

That's all I can think of right now... I wonder what would happen if 'Day decided to breastfeed... Caramel Macchiatto, anyone?

May 25, 2005 - Hard drive update

Remember my f-d up hard drive?  Well, ALL the data from it has been recovered.  Xyon Systems and Services ROCKS!!!  And delivered to my doorstep too (I guess my having just had a baby was reason enough for the owner to make the trip). 

Thank goodness I didn't send my drive away to the US for service.  Data recovery there is just way too expensive.

May 24, 2006 - A breast pump that works

Gentlemen, please don't try this.  Ever.  Unless of course you're just a glutton for punishment.

Introducing the Avent ISIS manual breast pump.  I asked a girlfriend of mine to buy this on my behalf, as I was having trouble with the first pump I bought, the Medela Mini Electric Plus.  You'd think that the manual wouldn't perform as well as the electric, but in this case, the manual wins.  And wins with flying colors.

I first tried using this in the hospital, but for some reason I couldn't get suction.  I then took another chance, and purchased this for when I travel or need to relieve engorgement (oh man, the milk is really coming in now) in a small, noiseless, easy to operate package.  I assembled it according to the enclosed manual, and voila!  I was able to pump out more milk today with this pump than I ever did with the electric pump in the same time frame, and now there's enough milk in the fridge for when I decide to make lakwatsa or sleep a few extra hours while either Rob or the yaya feeds her.  For the last 2 days, Nicole has been on breast milk exclusively, and that makes me feel at peace.  It's good to know that I'm now able to provide her with what she needs.

The first week is over... friends of ours have said that the first 12 weeks are tough, and that once we weather that, we're good.  Here's to 11 more weeks then of toughing it out.

May 23, 2006 - The First Week

Nicole is 1 week old today!!!

Okay, to continue my breastfeeding journal... hey, I'd better have an outlet through which I can vent out my frustrations with the process of getting to the point of comfort and painless feeding.  Right now, I'm not there yet, but I am a very patient woman.

I've gotten tons of advice from my girlfriends and relatives who have gone through this before, and knowing that I'm not alone is more than helpful... it's half the battle.  A little knowledge went a long way: a warm cloth over the breast to aid with engorgement, a little expressed breast milk can heal sore nipples (I put some lanolin ointment in addition to that), different holds, waiting for a wide mouth for a proper latch, staying relaxed while breastfeeding... all that and more. 

My friends have all said, things will get easier.  They're getting easier already.  I'm not one to shirk from a challenge, and this is definitely one that will be conquered.  Amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.

May 23, 2006 - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

She's fast asleep after being breastfed (the latch is getting better... I guess at this point I just have to let my nipples "mature").  More like comatose.  Such a difference from her first night at home, but I'm sure there will be more sleepless nights to come.  I'm just enjoying each peaceful evening whenever I can have them.

Nicole is the cutest baby.  I was telling Rob tonight that before you have your own baby, all babies are beautiful and cute, but once you have your own, no one else's compares.  I guess that's parenthood, and we are loving it!  So far. 

She's too cute... we might have to send her to a convent until she's 35.  What do you think?

(Oh, the ear piercing poll... Rob and I have decided to let her choose when her ears will be pierced.  She can also have the responsibility of taking care of things herself.)