Thursday, March 20, 2008

Love means never having to say you're sorry... sometimes.

I woke up with Ali McGraw's face in my mind as she uttered those words to Ryan O'Neal in Love Story.  Kinda made me stop and think...

I've found myself on the offensive and defensive sides of arguments in the course of my lifetime... some arguments and disagreements never finding resolution... and without even the slightest trace of an apology.  Either by me or by my nemesis-of-the-moment. 

With one best friend, all it took was for time to fix things... we picked up where we left off (well, from the most recent pleasantness preceding the less pleasant moments).  We no longer talk about what it was that caused our most recent strife (since it really wasn't one of us that started the mess in the first place).  For another... I go off into a binge of overthinking and waffling back and forth over whether to ask for an apology since my feelings and my pride were injured.

At the end, I decided, "nah".  We love each other anyway... to the death.  Forgiveness comes always.  Always. 

In both cases, we've become more than just friends... we've become family.  And sometimes, there are things that don't even have to be said for the sake of finding peace and balance. 

Sometimes, all it takes is time... the forgiveness will always come.  As will the love.  For sure that will never leave.

50 comments:

Bituin Escalante said...

...sometimes nga. kasi minsan, kailangan mo talaga marinig e.

Lea Salonga said...

True. Hence the word "sometimes".

Julie Reyes said...

it's a trite phrase, but true..."time heals all wounds". =)

jon joven said...

i agree...

ARIEL REONAL said...

So true. It took me years before I forgave a relative who have caused my family damages and contributed to my father's passing away.

arkitekfhc . said...

Sounds simplistic but it really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.

vincent dejesus said...

You'd think FORGIVING someone is such a hard thing. But when you have done it, you go: "Hindi naman pala ganoon kahirap!" In fact, it is soooo easy.

Pero minsan (minsan lang naman) one chooses not to forgive that easily to stress a point. The problem there is minsan manhid naman ang pinaparamdaman mo. Kaya imbes na ma-stress ang point... ikaw ang na-stress. Ha ha ha.

jeff aguiman said...

This is nice.

jeff aguiman said...

For me, maski na alam naming dalawa na everything is okay na. Mag-so-sorry pa rin ako kasi yun yung way na para masabi ko sa sarili ko at sa kanya, tapos na, tama na. After that, sasabihin ko "Ikaw, di ka ba magso-sorry?" hehhee.

Lea Salonga said...

Usually naman, ang hinahanap ko ay "sorry na nasaktan kita." Mahirap ba yun?

Alvin Trono said...

We let go of all the bad things and forgive... even ourselves. I learned last year of an exercise wherein we visualize the person who have wronged us and forgive especially when there is no opportunity to have that opportunity.

jeff aguiman said...

wala bang punching bag sa harap para makasuntok ka naman before forgiving? hehehe.

jeff aguiman said...

mahirap sa taong mataas ang pride. puwede din naman na yung nararamdaman mo e yun rin ang nararamdaman niya. kumbaga, naghihintayan kayo.

cherie gil said...

This truly hit a chord deep in me and your blog came just in time. Thanks Lea... yes, finally in the end, it's really being able to find the PEACE and the BALANCE within you and with the world around.

Jocelyn Drapiza said...

totally agree.especially if the person that hurt you is your friend or member of the family but if it's totally stranger that you just want to shoot them if they don't apologize.

Alvin Trono said...

Pwede din... bwaahahahha....

Chinky Fuentes said...

So true. Forgiveness is given a different meaning if you love that person. Sometimes, saying sorry is not necessary. Forgiveness comes anyway. And sometimes, even if there are no words spoken, you know that person is sorry.

Jocelyn Drapiza said...

i just thought of my 4 year old son, pag alam nyang he hurt my feelings or physically na nasaktan nya ko na he would say "sorry mom" and he'll give me a hug and kiss.

Mrs. O . said...

Nice! Very appropriate for Holy Week...I really admire you because that is a very difficult thing for me to do...

Bob Guerrero said...

True. If its a true friendship, it will heal. Sigh. But I don't like that line from Love Story. I think people really do have to say sorry.

Roy del Valle said...

Hummm... Nope. I can't agree with the line... Sounds really good on film but in reality it's just a poor excuse for taking a loved one for granted. When we can, we should all say sorry. That "sorry" need not be a word spoken. It can be a deed or a gesture. This version of "sorry" is what our closest friends and family understand best... We don't have to and that is why it is that much more meaningful when we do.

Lurene Verdeflor said...

saying sorry is very difficult thing to do. if you have that gift of humility you will have courage to say it.

Chinky Fuentes said...

I would like to defend the line from the movie :) I believe action speaks louder than words. For example, my husband forgot something I asked him to buy. He never said sorry but when he remembered it, he left all that he needed to do, which are very important I might add, and bought it right away. For me, that's BETTER than I am sorry.

Having said that, it should also not be abused. We know the people we are surrounded with, we know who are sincere and who are not through words and actions.

AND, not saying sorry should not be all the time. Kaya nga SOMETIMES. :)

Lia Mañalac said...

True. Some things are indeed better left unsaid.

garry ykalina said...

This line had influenced my life for the longest time. It changed the way I view forgiveness. "Love Story" is my fave movie too. Thanks Manang.

Ji Lopez said...

i ussually get hurt when my expectations are not met especially when i really really wanted it to happen. Then i get overly sensitive... next thing i know kahit shallow na issue i overreact dahilan para lalu ako mag ngitngit. DOMINO effect to my emotion. I do sometimes look for an apology pero once natuwa or natawa nako dun sa tao, erase na lahat... I don't take grudges either kya madali ako makalimot ng "upset felling"... And sometimes we get upset too without the other person knowing or meaning it, kaya it wouldn't hurt to mention it to them right away para di na lumaki ang gap. Life is too short and we're not getting any younger, sige tayo rin... ang mga wrinkles and gray hair.... wouldn't it be better to have "laugh lines" instead?

Tiffany Guevarra said...

understandable..SOMETIMES, there are things better left unsaid than done..you cant rush yourself to forgive someone if your not ready.. and it doesnt mean your taking that person for granted, you just need to give yourself and that person some space and time to think about things..

Ronald Manaron said...

I always say "I'm sorry" if I really mean it...it sure helps to ease the tension on both sides. I tend not to stay mad for very long; it takes too much energy. Besides, I tend to miss the person I'm mad at after not seeing them for a while.

joan albito said...

yeah, some people find it hard to say sorry. but it doesn't mean that they're not sorry for what they have done. some people naman say sorry all the time but they don't actually mean it. personally, i want to hear the offending party say sorry. somehow nakakawala ng sama ng loob. but i guess what's more important is what happens after he/she has said sorry. that's when you'll see if he/she really meant it.

Avee Tan said...

i love this.

miyu matsudaira said...

ms. lea natamaan mo ako.. hehe. sori uli!

Skip and Loretta :-) said...

This is good!!

Skip and Loretta :-) said...

~This is good!!

Skip and Loretta :-) said...

roydv said:
"When we can, we should all say sorry. That "sorry" need not be a word spoken. It can be a deed or a gesture. This version of "sorry" is what our closest friends and family understand best... We don't have to and that is why it is that much more meaningful when we do."
~This is good!! :-)

miyu matsudaira said...

i hope this happens between me and you... hehe...

Lou Cabalde said...

well, time heals all wounds. we just have to give time, time.

jhack telan said...

Dalawang bagay lang, either wala siyang idea na sobrang nasaktan ka pala niya at kailangan niya palang mag-sorry or, nagmamatigas lang siya dahil feeling niya, ikaw ang dapat mag-sorry.

Rico del Rosario said...

Tama ka diyan! At tama na stress! We don't need more of it!

Urane laderas-cabantog said...

sa totoo lang, mahirap talaga magsabi ng sorry... lalo't pag nahaluan ng PRIDE,,,
pero gusto ng lahat ang forgiveness, naghihintayan lang sa first step na magsabing sorry..

Eleanore Hatta said...

I think love does mean having to say you're sorry. I know some people think "well, I did that and it was bad but she'll forgive me anyway. I'll just wait until she forgets about what I did." I think that's cheap and it's wrong.

If you love someone, you will go out of your way to make amends for what you did. That's how families and couples stay together even when they've tried to kill one another politely in a recent argument. Even my pets know enough to sheepishly come up to me to repair our relationship once they know they did something downright annoying - like when my cat Seven recently spilled soup on my modem and wrecked it beyond repair. On days like that I feel like hurling him against the wall, but one look from his pa-cute face and one good cuddle by him will make my heart melt. Now if only people were like that too.

Rico del Rosario said...

It may mean you don't have to say sorry, but because you love the person, you would.

Li'l Dove Feather said...

Korek! Pero ang sarap nga rin ng pakiramdam 'pag natutunan mo nang magpatawad sa nakasakit sa 'yo...Kaya sana s'ya rin gano'n, he he he!

Li'l Dove Feather said...

ULTIMATE RULES IN SAYING "I'M SORRY":

1. If you say it, mean it. Otherwise, don't say it.

2. If you mean it but can't find the will to say so for some reason, then show it in obvious ways you know s/he'll understand. Vague ways just cloud things up and leads to more misunderstanding.

3. Sincerity is important because if your "sorry" is not sincere, it will show, or at least eat you up.

ULTIMATE RULES IN SAYING "I FORGIVE YOU":

1. If you say it, mean it. Otherwise, don't say it.

2. If you mean it but can't find the will to say so for some reason, then show it in obvious ways you know s/he'll understand. Vague ways just cloud things up and leads to more misunderstanding.

3. Sincerity is important because if your "I forgive you" is not sincere, it will show, or at least eat you up.


Hmnn...do you see a similarity here? ;p

Ryan Sulit said...

the word "sometimes" plays a really big role in this, im sure.

Lea Salonga said...

Yes, it does. Because there are times when an apology is absolutely called for.

Philip Gan said...

Pardon the intrusion but if I may be permitted to put in my two-cents' worth to this most lively discussion. I think whoever came up with this statement never meant it to be taken literally, i.e., that love dispenses with the need to say sorry. If mere dictates of civility require us to apologize to those we offend, how much more when we hurt those who are truly dear to us? "Love means never having to say you're sorry", I think, means that a person who truly loves does not wait for an apology from the beloved in order to forgive. Forgiveness for the lover is not a "quid-pro-quo" transaction whereby one is pardoned for having made an act of satisfaction. The act of satisfaction or reparation is a requirement of justice since the damage to the relationship must be repaired. But then again, do apologies ever really repair the damage? Can hurtful words ever be unsaid and hurtful acts undone even by a million apologies? And so, forgiveness is a free act that can be given only out of LOVE. In this sense, one does not -- and cannot -- merit or earn forgiveness (much in the same way that one does not earn love). Viewed in this light, "love means never having to say you're sorry" become then a testament of unconditional love. Finally the movie "Love Story" may have popularized the statement, but it is the parable of the prodigal son that movingly illustrates to us its meaning.

Li'l Dove Feather said...

Sometimes, I do have, mostly Mondays and Wednesdays. But you know what? No matter how I plan to let it all out there, I always forget that I've been mad the whole day!

mcelm mercado said...

people have become too proud, too beautiful, too intelligent, too strong which made sorry the hardest word to utter and forgiveness the hardest thing to ask for :(

KRSTFNK MNL said...

Sometimes, SORRY is just an operative word. People who are in love (including those who are romantically in love) find ways to patch things up, without saying SORRY. :-)

amelia earhart said...

love unconditional and as how God loves you.Automatically you will learn how to forgive people who done wrong things toward you.And yes it will be the greatest gift you will give to yourself.xxx