Sunday, March 2, 2008

To get you through a breakup

One Facebook friend wrote on her status update: "still crying after a year... pain pain go away..."

When I read that, it made me seriously think about what could possibly help someone like her going through something like that.  Probably nothing... consolation, kindness and morale boosting have most likely already been given and generously.  But how about a figurative kick in the ass?  (I would have considered burning an effigy, but that would have taken too much time.)

I'm a pragmatist.  Oh, I'm a romantic too at heart, but when I've needed to, after I was done feeling sorry for myself, I'd kick my own ass and give myself a wake-up call.  Here are a few lines that I can think of to do this for someone else (and hidden in them are some lines I've used on myself).  Boys, go ahead and change the gender of the nouns and pronouns if any of the following applies to you:

- Why are you wasting your tears on that loser?  Snap out of it.  There are better men out there.

- You are not a slave to any man.  Don't act like one.

- You've changed, and for the worse.

- He would've cheated on your ass anyway... cut your losses and run for the hills.

- He can't even take care of himself, let alone you!

- You're growing, he's not.  Move on.

- And what in God's holy name did you ever see in him???  Woman, get your eyes checked!!!  Stat!!!

- In the end he would have destroyed you.  He almost did.

- You collided with a fist.  And you're still with him?

- You can't even respect him!!!  How can you say you love him?

- After all he's done to you, you remain true.  Why?  The sex can't have been that great.  And even if it was, it's not worth it.

- Martyrs are so archaic.  Don't become one.

- He tore you down piece by piece, taking away your self-esteem, self-respect and self-confidence in the process.  If you still love him, then he also took away your intelligence and common sense.

- He clearly doesn't love you... and who knows if he ever did?

- All he wanted was sex.  He got what he wanted, and now he's gone.  Asshole.

- Get rid of his photos.  Destroy his love letters.  Put away everything he ever gave you.  Stop texting, stop calling, stop chatting, stop writing.  Remove him from your Facebook/Multiply/My Space/Friendster/Live Journal/Blogspot/Yahoo Messenger/AIM/MSN Messenger/etc. contact list/s.  Erase all contact information from your PDA/cellphone/address book.  He's not worth even one single thought.

- You fell in love with a troll.  We all make mistakes.

- Why?  Is he that handsome???  Is his d*** made of gold???  Helloooooo!!!!! (rough translation of one of the comments below)

Yeah, I love a good ass-kicking, when it's absolutely needed.

56 comments:

toff de venecia said...

haha. nice one lea!

sugar dizon said...

read between the lines....

shiela valderrama said...

love it! may come in handy when i give advise. :-)

Mabel J M Abejo said...

If you have any deep resentment or are irritated of someone or someone(s). Please read Dr. Luskin's book Forgive For Good. Awesome book- It will change your life!

dianneLouise ♥ said...

haha, I'll let my eeeeky heart-broken friends read this one! :D

lily lily said...

I definitely feel that if you are with someone and you are constantly depressed, dump the guy because aren't you with him because you feel happy around him? I'm sorry, but that guy is NOT worth your own happiness, dignity, self-esteem, etc.

Denise Linsangan said...

OMG! I can relate! I used to be one of those people. My only advise is: let them! They can only push it so much, and when they do, they will realize it on their own. Sometimes you can`t tell them to snap out of it because most of the time, people only act on what they feel. They lack the ability to think for themselves. The best thing to do is stop everything, stop calling him, stop viewing his friendster, myspace, or multiply site, stop texting him, erase his pictures on ur computer, erase him from ur life, as if he never existed, do that & you will heal fater. i dunno, worked for me.

Jojo Terencio said...

tumpak!!! i like this line...

sa gay lingo we often say: "bahket, kgwapuhan ba sya. ginto ba ang *** nya? hello???"

Lea Salonga said...

P***** INAAAAAAAAAA! NGYAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sige, I'll include it in my list above, sa sobrang hayop sa galing! Tenkyu!

Piper Holly said...

Are you tired of all these "friendship" poems that always SOUND good, but

never actually SPEAKS of REALITY. Here are a series of promises that really

speaks of true friendship:




1. When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the

sorry bastard who made you sad.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I know you finally got laid. "Now wipe that smile from

your face and tell me all about it!"

4. When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much

worse it could be and to quit whining.

6. When you've just been fired at work - I will help you get drunk and plot

revenge against the sorry bastard who fired you. (Sounds familiar to you?!?)

7. When you are confused - I will use words that are easy to understand.

8. When you are sick - Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.

I don't want whatever you have.

9. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass 'cause that's

the same thing you did to me when I fell

10. When you are angry - I will make you mad all the more just to test how

far you can go before you actually kill someone.

This is my oath...I pledge it till the end. "Why?" you may ask? because you

are my friend.

Remember: A good friend will help you move.

A really good friend will help you move a body.

Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel

sugar dizon said...

blacklistclub, you should be blacklisted here for posting a kilometric, nonsense and dated article. and it's not even an original, huh. post it in your blog instead, your blog need it.

Michelle S said...

Fantastic ass-kickin' advices! Just my two cents...your friend's depression is quite alarming ("still crying after a year...pain, pain go away"), she should seriously consider talking to a psych professional, perhaps it may provide some clarity, then the healing begins thereafter. Our hope is that she finally gets over the SOB for good!

ruth alferez said...

wow! bongga to! i can use some!

Rain Ramos said...

adik! ang ganda!

Teena Llorente-Lim said...

i needed this one! thanks lea for kicking my ass :)

Gerry Nepomuceno said...

Bow talaga ako. Some sentiments are best expressed in our native tongue, don't you think?

Chino Hernandez said...

Brava!!!!! P----- INA! ahhahaahahah!

Edelynn Navera said...

Huh! Natauhan ako!

Che T.P. said...

Astig, Ms. Lea! Long time ago, it took me 3 years to got over a beautiful relationship. But it was a dignified and healthy heartbreak. That's probably why it took that long, maybe it was what I needed. Besides, the guy involved wasn't a d***head and an a**hole rolled into one. But all the others ? I had a recital of the exact lines above, one guy or another. Like you, I'm a romantic at heart, but a pragmatist by choice. T***ina, daming lalaki dyan! :-D

Sophi DelCarmen said...

LOL Ms. Lea Salonga! I've never realized you are so capable of such "humanity"! I'm enjoying this blog more than my mom now.

Toshi Koshimizu said...

Very nice blog entry, Ms. Lea! This will sure help alot of people to cope up with a break up.

Gina Balagon said...

good one...

Piper Holly said...

sorry to annoy you... okay I'll make original post esp. for you.

Das Weibchen, das bin ich traurig ist, nicht so vollkommen, wie Sie sind, God Bless !!!!!

Piper Holly said...

sorry to annoy you... okay I'll make original post esp. for you.

Das Weibchen, das bin ich traurig ist, nicht so vollkommen, wie Sie sind, God Bless !!!!!

Sophi DelCarmen said...

blacklistclub the polite thing to do is make a few comments and if you really want your post to be read if its somehow related the right thing to do is provide the link to your post in that comment. Just dont spam coz that is so rude.

Therese Nina Villamor said...

thanks lea!!!! it sure made my silly heart laugh!!!! time to move on!!!! I really like your lines a whole lot. Hope you won't mind if I copy some of it. I want to be able to remember them whenever the need arises... Hahaha! thank you! you are one great Help.

Lea Salonga said...

Copy them all!!!

ღ Ch18e ¹⁸ said...

hahahaha! thank you very much! that gave me a smile!

Therese Nina Villamor said...

I sure will... many thanks Lea!!! ;)

ღ Ch18e ¹⁸ said...

is this really the Lea???!

ღ Ch18e ¹⁸ said...

is this really the LEA?!!

Urane laderas-cabantog said...

this is my fave one!! yeah, he's not worth of a single thought!!!

xtin quiazon said...

nice blog... really made me laugh!=)... as im also going thru a breakup...

Ames Away said...

AMEN!! Thank you so much Lea...Reading this really will make my current situation so much easier. I've been through a lot but the love and support from friends and family, going to church and praying helped the healing. Definitely laughter and your wise words made me smile! I am going to share this with the rest of the world.

Tina N said...

May I grab? My friends are going through breakups, (I've never been in a relationship so I have absolutely no idea what to tell them) and they've been crying buckets for the longest time!!! This would hopefully wake them up. May I? :D

Lea Salonga said...

Of course!

CJ Robles said...

interesting.. this could be like a crash course when your heart's crushed. heheh :p thanks!

Tina N said...

Thank you!!!

(I posted it after I got your permission, and the responses were.. different. haha... some violent, others chose to tell me in private what they thought of it. Hope it knocks some sense into them. Thanks a bunch! God Bless)

Li'l Dove Feather said...

Like that one!

Li'l Dove Feather said...

But I love this one more.

oliver tagayun said...

kick ass i know someone who needs one jeje lady ehehe

Angela Villa-Real said...

Nice. My Friend need this. Can I copy it?

Lea Salonga said...

Of course!

Angela Villa-Real said...

Thanks. :)

rj gozon said...

thanks for this. it really inspired me to move on and try to forget "him." i strongly agree with everything you said! keep up writing those great blog entries! God bless u!

Krisna May Buhisan said...

Hello! I just watched "light Talk" and saw you being interviewed by Bishop Tagle. That's how I came to know you have a blog and Wow! Some wake-up call you've got here! i'm really at a stage where i can make use of some of the lines here to knock some sense into this brain and heart of mine. Can I copy and forward this to some of my friends too?

Lea Salonga said...

Of course you may, no problem!

Elaine Velasco said...

like i said to a friend " yeah, he misses you, LIKE A BLODDY FRIGGING HOLE IN THE HEAD. WAKE UP YOU DAFT BITCH!!!! " i hope that brought her sanity back. if not, that's her bloody problem anymore...

claire alfonso said...

I so love this one! Even if I'm not going through a breakup right now, I think it might need it someday. ; ) Can I repost this on my site? And I also watched you in Light Talk last night, I love the interview because it somehow sums up everything that happened in your life, you're very inspiring indeed!!

claire alfonso said...

OMG, I think when I came across this particular blog of yours its like an omen or something..or maybe my subconscious is telling me that I will need this.. and I need it now.. = ' (. Thanks for this one.. it really made me laugh even though it still hurts inside.

♛ℭαℳιℒℓℯ คภภ♛ said...

I thank God for finding your site.. migaaahhhddd, This really serves as a wake up call for all the heartbroken people.. I can somehow relate coz kulang na lang talaga i-umpog ako ng mga friends ko sa pader when I was heartbroken.. hahahaha.. but finally, i have moved on already.. hehehe... TRUE, "there are better men out there!"
Oh I just remember saying this to errr.. hrrrmmm....someone... "Bagay talaga kayo ng ugali mo k'se pareho kayong panget!" bwahehehe...anyway, I'll let my friend read this, ha? hmmm...may i copy and post this on my blog?:)

Bianca Zapanta said...

- Get rid of his photos. Destroy his love letters. Put away everything he ever gave you. Stop texting, stop calling, stop chatting, stop writing. Remove him from your Facebook/Multiply/My Space/Friendster/Live Journal/Blogspot/Yahoo Messenger/AIM/MSN Messenger/etc. contact list/s. Erase all contact information from your PDA/cellphone/address book. He's not worth even one single thought.


I've actually done this one and it just felt sooooo good. It's not worth holding on to something that would only make you miserable.

Kay Tolentino said...

I'm a pessimistic little prick, and I overestimate the extent of my "problems," so naturally... I've picked up a few ass-kicking friends. :) Funny thing is, when I moan and groan about my life, and they tell me to shut up and get over my trivial obstacles, I instantly become defensive. I even usually have to wait about half an hour before my friends' advice settles into my head. Hay... if we could all just live in blissful ignorance. :)

JhEbOi gUrL said...

waaahhh,. i really need this,. ! =( can i copy this? it helped me a lot to get rid of him,.! thank u so much,. !

aLiCe borlongan said...

I've learned a lot by just reading your blog...!,kaasar,ganon pala yun, now I realized that love is a game of power..,a manipulations of emotions and that it requires even greater precision and planning..next time I won't be fooled again. Thanks big sis...you rock!

tomtom pataygutom said...

amazing!!!!!

ran out of words to say...