Lessons in Love

Wherever and whenever there is love, there is God.

I'm paraphrasing the last line of a blog entry written by a dear, dear friend in Paris. As young as this friend is, the line was something I could learn from... and have been.

Lately I've found myself tested in matters of the heart. Just what is my heart's capacity to love? Can I make the choice to, beyond the easiness and giddiness of new friendships, actually love, even after finding out just how human that person is? Or do I choose to turn away, once I discover the stink of it all, and say goodbye, so long, have a nice life, by the way don't let the door hit your ass on the way out?

I choose to love. Mine is not to judge another person; that's God's job.

I've found myself in a new friendship from time to time, and after the first few meetings am able to discern whether or not my new acquaintance is deemed worthy of making the jump to friendship. Some conversations, text messages, and coffee dates later, I am then more sure that this is a friend. This is someone I will share secrets with (and will hear them from). This is the person that will be present at the milestones of my life (and vice versa). I will share a piece of my heart and self, and this person will share the same with me. It may lead to moments of disappointment... pain... frustration... the almost homicidal tendency to take a shotgun and shoot this person in the head for driving you crazy. It happens... it's happened. And I still make the choice to love.

I often ask myself (and God) why this person was brought into my life. Was this relationship meant to last for a moment or a lifetime? Am I supposed to learn a lesson from this? Was I supposed to impart something in turn?

I've made the active decision to terminate... abort... end friendships too, when I've found the person to be... hmmm... undeserving of it. I've been on the receiving end of malicious backbiting by those that claim to be so-called friends. With people like that as friends, who needs enemies? I just keep my distance in social situations and go on with my life. Not worth my time. 'Twas fun while it lasted though.

As the years have gone on, I've found my circle of friends getting smaller and smaller, but the quality of the friendships going higher and higher. I can only thank God for the circle I'm a part of, and for the new friends that will join it.