April 13, 2006 - Transplanted Blog Entry

No, not one of mine, but one of my friend Cay (who's a 2nd grade teacher in Dublin, CA... I'm ninang to her second daughter, Nina... and I'm proud to say that I introduced her and her husband to one another, back in the days when chatting online was new):

ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE I will never forget what I learned in Theology of Marriage back in college: There will always be somebody out there who will be more handsome, more successful, more humorous and more dashing than the person you're with. But the most important thing to remember is this: You CHOSE to love this one person. Emotions will come and go, but the power of your will and the perseverance to stick with your choice should help you see your marriage through.

But years later, I realized this after hearing stories from friends - that if your spouse is dragging you down unto a dark psychological and spiritual abyss, eroding on your self-esteem and bringing out the worst of the worst in you, then you chose the wrong person to love. One has only one life to live and should choose to live a life that one deserves - happily and at peace with oneself. If that means unchoosing your spouse, then one has to let go.

These two paragraphs struck me, hence I felt compelled to share them with you.

It is true... in a commitment between two people (be it as friends, lovers, business partners, or as man and wife), a lot of will, perseverance and love is what it takes to remain true to your partner. HOWEVER... and I now refer to paragraph 2... to be dragged into that dark place where you're not supposed to be is a sign that this person you chose is wrong for you. I've seen enough unions go by the wayside because one partner was clearly wrong for the other, and it then becomes understandable that the union must be broken.  Everyone at some point in their lifetimes has such a partner; it takes sinew of steel to gather up the courage to get out.

I'd like to think that the person God chose for you brings out the best in you, even in the worst of times.  It's the person who brings peace in a torrent, calm in a storm, and the feeling of wholeness to you. It's the person you can't live without... the one that holds you together... the one you need because you love them. It's a love that transcends the sexual, the earthly, the human... it's a love that can only be described as divine.

It is that person that when you take one look at them, you see a glimpse of heaven... there IS a God after all.